... but there seems to be so little time in which to organize my thoughts, much less write them down.
I prayed the other day, while driving all over creation for work. In my prayer, I decided to test the oft quoted, "ask and ye shall receive, knock and it shall be opened unto you". I fervently asked that my interest in my meditation practice be focussed once again. For a time, stress had permeated most aspects of my life, and meditation had sadly started to feel like a chore.
That night as I sat before my altar lighting candles, a sweet peace washed over me, and I felt at home, at ease - feelings that had abandoned me when I succombed to the high emotional charge that had been filtering into my every waking moment.
When we take the time to shed the daily grind, and instead focus inward and Upward, inviting the Divine Presence to enter our hearts and lives, nothing can stop us. I truly believe this. I just also tend to forget it, as we are all so prone to do.
Consider yourself reminded. :)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Epiphanies
I told you that I got promoted - well, it entails a lot of driving around, from school to school, appointment to appointment. In this time, I usually sing (poorly) along to the radio. Sometimes, if the distance is great enough to allow it, I call up a friend and chat for a few minutes. Catching up can be so hard to do with hectic schedules, so I am thankful for the breaks in my day that driving allows. However, my favorite way to pass the time is by spending time in quiet reflection - nothing but the sound of my own wheels whistling along the highway and the thoughts in my head to keep me company. It was on Wednesday, during one such period of introspection, that I had an Epiphany:
I have been fighting against my true nature for too long now. As a bi-polar, stress - no matter the level - has in the past sent me into a panicked manic state. Naturally, I find that unpleasant, and try my best to reduce or eliminate stressors, in the hopes of likewise eliminating the manic upsets. However, I have been living a life of careful control for far too long! I realized on Wednesday that, as I have matured and grown, I thrive on a little bit of controlled chaos. I find the stability that I've striven for, for so long now, to be stifling, leading to nothing but stagnance, leaving me feeling miserable.
This job change is perfect for me. My schedule remains the same from week to week, more or less - which provides the little bit of stability that I recognize that I do need. But what I do from week to week changes, providing me with the trill of a challenge.
I give thanks to the Powers That Be that such a windfall, such a blessed change of pace, has literally fallen into my lap. I pray that I will have the strength to take on such a challenge head on, and shoulder it with relative ease. And poise. I hope for poise. :)
I have been fighting against my true nature for too long now. As a bi-polar, stress - no matter the level - has in the past sent me into a panicked manic state. Naturally, I find that unpleasant, and try my best to reduce or eliminate stressors, in the hopes of likewise eliminating the manic upsets. However, I have been living a life of careful control for far too long! I realized on Wednesday that, as I have matured and grown, I thrive on a little bit of controlled chaos. I find the stability that I've striven for, for so long now, to be stifling, leading to nothing but stagnance, leaving me feeling miserable.
This job change is perfect for me. My schedule remains the same from week to week, more or less - which provides the little bit of stability that I recognize that I do need. But what I do from week to week changes, providing me with the trill of a challenge.
I give thanks to the Powers That Be that such a windfall, such a blessed change of pace, has literally fallen into my lap. I pray that I will have the strength to take on such a challenge head on, and shoulder it with relative ease. And poise. I hope for poise. :)
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Climbing the not-so-corporate ladder
My boss approached me last Wednesday with an interesting proposition. After discussing it with The Wife, I accepted.
But first, a bit of back story:
From February to November of 2008, I was a Roadie for the Music Company that I work for. Kind of. I mean, I was on the road a lot. I visited Middle and High School orchestra directors in cities surrounding Home Base (ie: the Corporate Office) and provided services and supplies. It was a great gig, but it was fast paced and high stress. I didn't handle those parts very well, so in October or so, I asked to go back to the store and do sales there.
They agreed. And so it was that, after they found a replacement for me (whom I trained), I went back to store clerk-dom.
Well, the replacement didn't work out so much. Without going into details here, suffice it to say that my manager approached me with a Question:
Would I like to go back to being a Road Representative for the company?
My answer was a resounding, "Yes".
So I'm settling into my new-old routine, and loving it. I feel, in my heart of hearts, that I am better equipped to handle whatever stresses may come my way this time around.
You know what's funny? With the faster pace, I was anticipating having to eat more to compensate for the energy expended. Oddly enough, I've found the opposite to be true - I'm perfectly content with my PB&J sammitch that I bring for my lunch-on-the-fly. I've started eating the "25% less sugar" counterpart of the Quaker Oats Chewy Granola Bar I used to eat for breakfast. After a few days of my body going into shock in the mornings ("ZOMG, WTFBBQ? Less SUGAR??"), I've adjusted quite nicely, and only need the one bar to tie me over 'til lunch time.
And, as long as I play my cards right (ie: coming in to work at 7:25 am), I can leave a little earlier than I used to as a clerk. Instead of pulling a 9 - 6 shift, I'm doing a 7:30 - 4:30 shift. I'm rather liking it. Right now, I'm spending most of that evening time gearing up for the move, but soon --very soon-- I want to be using the time to do more yoga and maybe even walk around the neighborhood.
Anyway, that's what's keeping me away from the keyboard lately. Wish me luck on this new adventure!
But first, a bit of back story:
From February to November of 2008, I was a Roadie for the Music Company that I work for. Kind of. I mean, I was on the road a lot. I visited Middle and High School orchestra directors in cities surrounding Home Base (ie: the Corporate Office) and provided services and supplies. It was a great gig, but it was fast paced and high stress. I didn't handle those parts very well, so in October or so, I asked to go back to the store and do sales there.
They agreed. And so it was that, after they found a replacement for me (whom I trained), I went back to store clerk-dom.
Well, the replacement didn't work out so much. Without going into details here, suffice it to say that my manager approached me with a Question:
Would I like to go back to being a Road Representative for the company?
My answer was a resounding, "Yes".
So I'm settling into my new-old routine, and loving it. I feel, in my heart of hearts, that I am better equipped to handle whatever stresses may come my way this time around.
You know what's funny? With the faster pace, I was anticipating having to eat more to compensate for the energy expended. Oddly enough, I've found the opposite to be true - I'm perfectly content with my PB&J sammitch that I bring for my lunch-on-the-fly. I've started eating the "25% less sugar" counterpart of the Quaker Oats Chewy Granola Bar I used to eat for breakfast. After a few days of my body going into shock in the mornings ("ZOMG, WTFBBQ? Less SUGAR??"), I've adjusted quite nicely, and only need the one bar to tie me over 'til lunch time.
And, as long as I play my cards right (ie: coming in to work at 7:25 am), I can leave a little earlier than I used to as a clerk. Instead of pulling a 9 - 6 shift, I'm doing a 7:30 - 4:30 shift. I'm rather liking it. Right now, I'm spending most of that evening time gearing up for the move, but soon --very soon-- I want to be using the time to do more yoga and maybe even walk around the neighborhood.
Anyway, that's what's keeping me away from the keyboard lately. Wish me luck on this new adventure!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Teh sicks. I has them.
I woke up at about 2:30 this morning with the uncontrollable urge to hastily remove the entire contents of my stomach. I did so, rather begrudgingly, and went back to a fitful night of sleep.
I think that my falling off the bandwagon has finally caught up with me. I'm not feeling my best by any stretch of the imagination. I've gained weight, I feel ambiently ill most of the time, and my energy levels have suffered. I'm having a hard time staying motivated (obviously), so I'm going to try to join a support group called Vegan Hopefuls, being hosted by the blog maven of Vegan Hope. I hope I get accepted, and hope it is the last little nudge that I need to get up and moving, and making the changes that I need to make.
Wish me luck.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I think that my falling off the bandwagon has finally caught up with me. I'm not feeling my best by any stretch of the imagination. I've gained weight, I feel ambiently ill most of the time, and my energy levels have suffered. I'm having a hard time staying motivated (obviously), so I'm going to try to join a support group called Vegan Hopefuls, being hosted by the blog maven of Vegan Hope. I hope I get accepted, and hope it is the last little nudge that I need to get up and moving, and making the changes that I need to make.
Wish me luck.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Doin' the Time Warp
It seems that time has gotten away from me once more. This is the first lazy afternoon in a few weeks that I've really had to myself, and it's rather nice. I just haven't had the time, or frankly the energy lately to plan meals, much less vegetarian ones.
What have I been up to, then?
We've been steadily sorting out the estate of the deceased Aunt, and are taking care of disbursing things as necessary to her other family members. Something that quickly became apparent was that my mother-in-law, who was this Aunt's caretaker and companion for 15 years, needs a place to live after all the dust settles. It just makes sense for her to move in with us, and we were planning on moving when our lease was up, anyway. So we looked for a larger place ... and found one!
It's a spacious little house for rent in an awesome neighborhood, not too far from where we currently live. It was built in the 1920's, and is about double the square-footage than what our current apartment is. We're keeping our awesome roommate, and taking on my mother-in-law. We're getting a screamin' deal on the rent, and the landlords seem like really nice people. And you know what else? They said I can plant things!!! I'm beside myself! I haven't had a garden since I lived at home in High School! I've already figured out what I'll plant in the front yard. Maybe this planting-season I'll leave it at that, and do the back yard next spring. (We'll see, though. :D).
So we're getting our affairs in order to move. As soon as we put the deposit down on the house (this Friday), we can start moving our boxes in, which is extremely convenient since my mother-in-law has to be out of her current place by the end of March (and the move-in date for the New Place isn't until April 30th because of our current lease).
All of this has been extremely sapping on both of us, and I've really had to take my own advice from my previous post. Taking a few minutes to myself to meditate and to commune with the Goddess every day has been invaluable. Some days it comes more easily than others - there are nights where all I want to do is crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head! But I carve out at least 5 minutes for meditation, and am really benefiting from it.
Soon, very soon, I'll get my rear in gear and start back on the path of Vegetarianism. But for now, I'm trying to keep my head above water during a very stressful and busy time.
What have I been up to, then?
We've been steadily sorting out the estate of the deceased Aunt, and are taking care of disbursing things as necessary to her other family members. Something that quickly became apparent was that my mother-in-law, who was this Aunt's caretaker and companion for 15 years, needs a place to live after all the dust settles. It just makes sense for her to move in with us, and we were planning on moving when our lease was up, anyway. So we looked for a larger place ... and found one!
It's a spacious little house for rent in an awesome neighborhood, not too far from where we currently live. It was built in the 1920's, and is about double the square-footage than what our current apartment is. We're keeping our awesome roommate, and taking on my mother-in-law. We're getting a screamin' deal on the rent, and the landlords seem like really nice people. And you know what else? They said I can plant things!!! I'm beside myself! I haven't had a garden since I lived at home in High School! I've already figured out what I'll plant in the front yard. Maybe this planting-season I'll leave it at that, and do the back yard next spring. (We'll see, though. :D).
So we're getting our affairs in order to move. As soon as we put the deposit down on the house (this Friday), we can start moving our boxes in, which is extremely convenient since my mother-in-law has to be out of her current place by the end of March (and the move-in date for the New Place isn't until April 30th because of our current lease).
All of this has been extremely sapping on both of us, and I've really had to take my own advice from my previous post. Taking a few minutes to myself to meditate and to commune with the Goddess every day has been invaluable. Some days it comes more easily than others - there are nights where all I want to do is crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head! But I carve out at least 5 minutes for meditation, and am really benefiting from it.
Soon, very soon, I'll get my rear in gear and start back on the path of Vegetarianism. But for now, I'm trying to keep my head above water during a very stressful and busy time.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The hand of death
There was a death in my wife's extended family this past weekend. It has affected us all, in many different ways. Merry was close to this aunt, but hasn't really mourned her loss fully, as she has been busy taking care of her mother's needs. Her mother was this aunt's caretaker and companion for about 15 years, and is beside herself with grief and worry about what the future holds.
I am in an interesting position to be of assisstance to the whole family, especially my wife. I can finally be there for her the way she was there for me through my father's untimely death, and it is an opprotunity that I am grateful to take. It is challenging at times to center myself at such an energy-charged time, but I have still been spending a few minutes per day in front of my altar, taking the time to give thanks to the Goddess for my many blessings, and to pray that both of us will have the strength to shoulder this burden - together.
This experience, despite all the painful feelings it has brought up for both of us, has served to strengthen our relationship, our bond, and our resolve to look at our many blessings - instead of dwelling in the negativity that sometimes seems to surround us.
Taking the time to actively give thanks to your Higher Power, whoever it may be, is something I can't stress the importance of enough. Not only does it draw you closer to the Loving Divine that surrounds each of us, it serves as a wake-up call, a reminder to your Self that, hey, things ain't all THAT bad!
Try it for a few days. See if it doesn't change your perspective, even just a little. Sometimes "a little" is all it takes to tip the scale, after all.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I am in an interesting position to be of assisstance to the whole family, especially my wife. I can finally be there for her the way she was there for me through my father's untimely death, and it is an opprotunity that I am grateful to take. It is challenging at times to center myself at such an energy-charged time, but I have still been spending a few minutes per day in front of my altar, taking the time to give thanks to the Goddess for my many blessings, and to pray that both of us will have the strength to shoulder this burden - together.
This experience, despite all the painful feelings it has brought up for both of us, has served to strengthen our relationship, our bond, and our resolve to look at our many blessings - instead of dwelling in the negativity that sometimes seems to surround us.
Taking the time to actively give thanks to your Higher Power, whoever it may be, is something I can't stress the importance of enough. Not only does it draw you closer to the Loving Divine that surrounds each of us, it serves as a wake-up call, a reminder to your Self that, hey, things ain't all THAT bad!
Try it for a few days. See if it doesn't change your perspective, even just a little. Sometimes "a little" is all it takes to tip the scale, after all.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Thursday, February 25, 2010
My quiet space
For years now, I've made it a point to dedicate a corner of my bedroom to be a quiet space that is all my own. In that corner is an altar, my most sacred of spaces. I often sit at that altar and do Tarot readings, relying on my intuition and insight to bring life to the cards spread before me. Sometimes I light a special bundle of dried sage and smudge, or cleanse, myself with its perfumed smoke. Other times I light Nag Champa, my favorite incense, and just relish the process of quieting my mind.
Lately though, as I alluded to in my last post, peace of both mind and spirit have been elusive. I have my altar, equipped as it is with tools and candles and incenses, readily available for me ... yet I haven't made the time for it. For months now, I have been a stranger to my Quan Yin statue, my Tibetan singing bowl, my Tarot decks, and my many and varied candle votives. A place that normally brings such a sense of peace has suddenly become a burden, a drain on time that I just couldn't be bothered to spare anymore.
In the past few weeks, my wife has patiently prodded me towards it, sometimes going so far as to refuse to let me into bed until I've meditated - for as long or short a time as I deemed fit.
As the weeks have rolled on, my time at my altar has become just that: my time. My time to quiet myself before bed. My time to reflect upon my day. My time to just sit with the Goddess and be. I relish it. I crave it. I can hardly wait for my time to come around. I never put a time-frame on it; even five minutes of quiet reflection is time well spent. But lately? Lately I have been dedicating more and more time to my meditation.
Something Merry, my wife, said made me pause: When I am at peace with myself, it rubs off on her. Everyone around her notices - in the time that she has known me, she has been more at peace with herself than she ever has been before.
It is said that when a Chakra, or energy center in the Auric field of a person, is out of alignment, the attributes of that Chakra become skewed. Take, for instance, the Throat Chakra: balanced, it represents being able to speak your truth, boldly but still retaining that tenderness that knows when it is the right time and the right place to do so. Skewed, your voice becomes either too timid or too brash, both of which are ineffective ways of expressing the Self.
I have been skewing my gift - instead of simply bringing peace along with me to a situation or relationship, I have been trying to be a peace maker, attempting to force peace to flow into a situation about which I feel I have no control. I realized during meditation the other night that I need to release my need to be in control. It is only then that my natural gifts can flow freely and bless myself and those around me.
Those are my musings for the evening.
Blessed be.
Lately though, as I alluded to in my last post, peace of both mind and spirit have been elusive. I have my altar, equipped as it is with tools and candles and incenses, readily available for me ... yet I haven't made the time for it. For months now, I have been a stranger to my Quan Yin statue, my Tibetan singing bowl, my Tarot decks, and my many and varied candle votives. A place that normally brings such a sense of peace has suddenly become a burden, a drain on time that I just couldn't be bothered to spare anymore.
In the past few weeks, my wife has patiently prodded me towards it, sometimes going so far as to refuse to let me into bed until I've meditated - for as long or short a time as I deemed fit.
As the weeks have rolled on, my time at my altar has become just that: my time. My time to quiet myself before bed. My time to reflect upon my day. My time to just sit with the Goddess and be. I relish it. I crave it. I can hardly wait for my time to come around. I never put a time-frame on it; even five minutes of quiet reflection is time well spent. But lately? Lately I have been dedicating more and more time to my meditation.
Something Merry, my wife, said made me pause: When I am at peace with myself, it rubs off on her. Everyone around her notices - in the time that she has known me, she has been more at peace with herself than she ever has been before.
It is said that when a Chakra, or energy center in the Auric field of a person, is out of alignment, the attributes of that Chakra become skewed. Take, for instance, the Throat Chakra: balanced, it represents being able to speak your truth, boldly but still retaining that tenderness that knows when it is the right time and the right place to do so. Skewed, your voice becomes either too timid or too brash, both of which are ineffective ways of expressing the Self.
I have been skewing my gift - instead of simply bringing peace along with me to a situation or relationship, I have been trying to be a peace maker, attempting to force peace to flow into a situation about which I feel I have no control. I realized during meditation the other night that I need to release my need to be in control. It is only then that my natural gifts can flow freely and bless myself and those around me.
Those are my musings for the evening.
Blessed be.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
