Epiphanies

I told you that I got promoted - well, it entails a lot of driving around, from school to school, appointment to appointment. In this time, I usually sing (poorly) along to the radio. Sometimes, if the distance is great enough to allow it, I call up a friend and chat for a few minutes. Catching up can be so hard to do with hectic schedules, so I am thankful for the breaks in my day that driving allows. However, my favorite way to pass the time is by spending time in quiet reflection - nothing but the sound of my own wheels whistling along the highway and the thoughts in my head to keep me company. It was on Wednesday, during one such period of introspection, that I had an Epiphany:

I have been fighting against my true nature for too long now. As a bi-polar, stress - no matter the level - has in the past sent me into a panicked manic state. Naturally, I find that unpleasant, and try my best to reduce or eliminate stressors, in the hopes of likewise eliminating the manic upsets. However, I have been living a life of careful control for far too long! I realized on Wednesday that, as I have matured and grown, I thrive on a little bit of controlled chaos. I find the stability that I've striven for, for so long now, to be stifling, leading to nothing but stagnance, leaving me feeling miserable.

This job change is perfect for me. My schedule remains the same from week to week, more or less - which provides the little bit of stability that I recognize that I do need. But what I do from week to week changes, providing me with the trill of a challenge.

I give thanks to the Powers That Be that such a windfall, such a blessed change of pace, has literally fallen into my lap. I pray that I will have the strength to take on such a challenge head on, and shoulder it with relative ease. And poise. I hope for poise. :)