I told you that I got promoted - well, it entails a lot of driving around, from school to school, appointment to appointment. In this time, I usually sing (poorly) along to the radio. Sometimes, if the distance is great enough to allow it, I call up a friend and chat for a few minutes. Catching up can be so hard to do with hectic schedules, so I am thankful for the breaks in my day that driving allows. However, my favorite way to pass the time is by spending time in quiet reflection - nothing but the sound of my own wheels whistling along the highway and the thoughts in my head to keep me company. It was on Wednesday, during one such period of introspection, that I had an Epiphany:
I have been fighting against my true nature for too long now. As a bi-polar, stress - no matter the level - has in the past sent me into a panicked manic state. Naturally, I find that unpleasant, and try my best to reduce or eliminate stressors, in the hopes of likewise eliminating the manic upsets. However, I have been living a life of careful control for far too long! I realized on Wednesday that, as I have matured and grown, I thrive on a little bit of controlled chaos. I find the stability that I've striven for, for so long now, to be stifling, leading to nothing but stagnance, leaving me feeling miserable.
This job change is perfect for me. My schedule remains the same from week to week, more or less - which provides the little bit of stability that I recognize that I do need. But what I do from week to week changes, providing me with the trill of a challenge.
I give thanks to the Powers That Be that such a windfall, such a blessed change of pace, has literally fallen into my lap. I pray that I will have the strength to take on such a challenge head on, and shoulder it with relative ease. And poise. I hope for poise. :)
Showing posts with label wurk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wurk. Show all posts
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Climbing the not-so-corporate ladder
My boss approached me last Wednesday with an interesting proposition. After discussing it with The Wife, I accepted.
But first, a bit of back story:
From February to November of 2008, I was a Roadie for the Music Company that I work for. Kind of. I mean, I was on the road a lot. I visited Middle and High School orchestra directors in cities surrounding Home Base (ie: the Corporate Office) and provided services and supplies. It was a great gig, but it was fast paced and high stress. I didn't handle those parts very well, so in October or so, I asked to go back to the store and do sales there.
They agreed. And so it was that, after they found a replacement for me (whom I trained), I went back to store clerk-dom.
Well, the replacement didn't work out so much. Without going into details here, suffice it to say that my manager approached me with a Question:
Would I like to go back to being a Road Representative for the company?
My answer was a resounding, "Yes".
So I'm settling into my new-old routine, and loving it. I feel, in my heart of hearts, that I am better equipped to handle whatever stresses may come my way this time around.
You know what's funny? With the faster pace, I was anticipating having to eat more to compensate for the energy expended. Oddly enough, I've found the opposite to be true - I'm perfectly content with my PB&J sammitch that I bring for my lunch-on-the-fly. I've started eating the "25% less sugar" counterpart of the Quaker Oats Chewy Granola Bar I used to eat for breakfast. After a few days of my body going into shock in the mornings ("ZOMG, WTFBBQ? Less SUGAR??"), I've adjusted quite nicely, and only need the one bar to tie me over 'til lunch time.
And, as long as I play my cards right (ie: coming in to work at 7:25 am), I can leave a little earlier than I used to as a clerk. Instead of pulling a 9 - 6 shift, I'm doing a 7:30 - 4:30 shift. I'm rather liking it. Right now, I'm spending most of that evening time gearing up for the move, but soon --very soon-- I want to be using the time to do more yoga and maybe even walk around the neighborhood.
Anyway, that's what's keeping me away from the keyboard lately. Wish me luck on this new adventure!
But first, a bit of back story:
From February to November of 2008, I was a Roadie for the Music Company that I work for. Kind of. I mean, I was on the road a lot. I visited Middle and High School orchestra directors in cities surrounding Home Base (ie: the Corporate Office) and provided services and supplies. It was a great gig, but it was fast paced and high stress. I didn't handle those parts very well, so in October or so, I asked to go back to the store and do sales there.
They agreed. And so it was that, after they found a replacement for me (whom I trained), I went back to store clerk-dom.
Well, the replacement didn't work out so much. Without going into details here, suffice it to say that my manager approached me with a Question:
Would I like to go back to being a Road Representative for the company?
My answer was a resounding, "Yes".
So I'm settling into my new-old routine, and loving it. I feel, in my heart of hearts, that I am better equipped to handle whatever stresses may come my way this time around.
You know what's funny? With the faster pace, I was anticipating having to eat more to compensate for the energy expended. Oddly enough, I've found the opposite to be true - I'm perfectly content with my PB&J sammitch that I bring for my lunch-on-the-fly. I've started eating the "25% less sugar" counterpart of the Quaker Oats Chewy Granola Bar I used to eat for breakfast. After a few days of my body going into shock in the mornings ("ZOMG, WTFBBQ? Less SUGAR??"), I've adjusted quite nicely, and only need the one bar to tie me over 'til lunch time.
And, as long as I play my cards right (ie: coming in to work at 7:25 am), I can leave a little earlier than I used to as a clerk. Instead of pulling a 9 - 6 shift, I'm doing a 7:30 - 4:30 shift. I'm rather liking it. Right now, I'm spending most of that evening time gearing up for the move, but soon --very soon-- I want to be using the time to do more yoga and maybe even walk around the neighborhood.
Anyway, that's what's keeping me away from the keyboard lately. Wish me luck on this new adventure!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
High Times
... and not the fun kind.
My stress levels are so high that it's redonk-u-lous. It's a rather big cliche, but there truly is no rest for the weary.
School has started, and for me that means a larger-than-normal work load at work. I deal directly with orchestra teachers in the Metroplex - they're stressed, so I'm stressed too.
If they need something, I bring it. To them, I am the face of *insert the company I work for here*. There's a lot of pressure to make them happy ... all 40 of them.
Some of them are pretty groovy people: there's the lady that had her Advanced Orchestra play a medly of Queen songs for the end-of-year concert. Or there's the one that wears pentacle earrings. Or the flamboyantly gay guy that makes me smile any time we talk.
But then there's the teachers that call me at 7:45 in the morning. Or the ones that call me at 8:00 at night. Or the ones that call on Saturdays.
Among most sentient beings, there is an understanding that there is a sanctity to The Weekend that must never be breached. Some of my teachers, however, abuse me terribly. Some believe that I am at their beck and call, that any whim of theirs, no matter how absurd (and some of them are), should receive my utmost-est attention.
I have a teacher who asked me to please check Lowe's or Home Depot for prices on their furniture touch-up markers, so she could retouch some of her school's instruments.
{ }
I should be happy. I should be overjoyed. I got a raise this last pay-period. The shit seems to have finally finished hitting the fan. I. Am. Appreciated. They like me.
But today I considered quitting. I'm on the verge of a breakdown. I work'd over 50 hours last week, and fully expect a repeat performance this week. Labor Day weekend? Ha. I got a day. Sunday. Because I had ketchup work to do in order to have some semblance of order for the start of the week, I worked both Saturday and Monday.
Silliness.
But I was reminded today by a dear friend at work that, not too unlike fibrous substances, this too shall pass. Things will eventually even out. The crunch-time is nigh unto its end, and peace shall once again fall upon the kingdom.
I've been feeling drained. Making room for "me time" this evening has really made a difference. All I've been doing is coming home (LATE) from work at night, eating dinner, and going to bed - where I have nightmares until dawn. Then I get up, get ready, and enter the fray anew each morning.
If I create peaceful time in the evenings, instead of allowing the day to defeat me, I may just be able to squeak by ... or even come out the other side (relatively) unscathed.
We'll see.
My stress levels are so high that it's redonk-u-lous. It's a rather big cliche, but there truly is no rest for the weary.
School has started, and for me that means a larger-than-normal work load at work. I deal directly with orchestra teachers in the Metroplex - they're stressed, so I'm stressed too.
If they need something, I bring it. To them, I am the face of *insert the company I work for here*. There's a lot of pressure to make them happy ... all 40 of them.
Some of them are pretty groovy people: there's the lady that had her Advanced Orchestra play a medly of Queen songs for the end-of-year concert. Or there's the one that wears pentacle earrings. Or the flamboyantly gay guy that makes me smile any time we talk.
But then there's the teachers that call me at 7:45 in the morning. Or the ones that call me at 8:00 at night. Or the ones that call on Saturdays.
Among most sentient beings, there is an understanding that there is a sanctity to The Weekend that must never be breached. Some of my teachers, however, abuse me terribly. Some believe that I am at their beck and call, that any whim of theirs, no matter how absurd (and some of them are), should receive my utmost-est attention.
I have a teacher who asked me to please check Lowe's or Home Depot for prices on their furniture touch-up markers, so she could retouch some of her school's instruments.
I should be happy. I should be overjoyed. I got a raise this last pay-period. The shit seems to have finally finished hitting the fan. I. Am. Appreciated. They like me.
But today I considered quitting. I'm on the verge of a breakdown. I work'd over 50 hours last week, and fully expect a repeat performance this week. Labor Day weekend? Ha. I got a day. Sunday. Because I had ketchup work to do in order to have some semblance of order for the start of the week, I worked both Saturday and Monday.
Silliness.
But I was reminded today by a dear friend at work that, not too unlike fibrous substances, this too shall pass. Things will eventually even out. The crunch-time is nigh unto its end, and peace shall once again fall upon the kingdom.
I've been feeling drained. Making room for "me time" this evening has really made a difference. All I've been doing is coming home (LATE) from work at night, eating dinner, and going to bed - where I have nightmares until dawn. Then I get up, get ready, and enter the fray anew each morning.
If I create peaceful time in the evenings, instead of allowing the day to defeat me, I may just be able to squeak by ... or even come out the other side (relatively) unscathed.
We'll see.
Monday, June 30, 2008
There's nothing to fear ...
... but fear itself.
I suppose.
I'm falling behind at work. There just seems to be so much to do. I complete one task, and a million others fall on top of me like an avalanche.
My manager criticized me today. What hurts more than the criticism itself is the fact that I fear it was rightly placed. I live in the almost constant paranoia that they'll turn to me one day and say, "Kathryn, you're just not doing the kind of job we hoped you would. Goodbye."
A thought just struck me though, and it has heartened me a little:
I've been filling this particular position for about half of a school year. It was my job to pick up the pieces that two different predecessors left behind. Yes, I've let a few things slip through my fingers, but I've also created strong bonds with teachers in many school districts and fulfilled their needs admirably. My superiors see my mistakes because they aren't with me when I call on schools to see my triumphs. Per'aps I should compile a lizt of strengths I feel I have honed so that I am prepared should a meeting to criticize ever takes place.
{ }
I don't talk about my fears often. I feel them, and keenly - but because I don't voice them, they simply fuel the fire of my general anxiety levels.
I feel a lot of pressure to perform. I'll be supporting Merry whilst she goes to school (starting Spring semester). We're moving to a slightly bigger, slightly more expensive apartment in a different city. We're strapped for money as it is. Frankly, I sometimes wonder how we're going to get by. If I lose this job, or simply get demoted, I fear there's no way we'll be able to support the lifestyle we're used to.
{ }
Maybe I should take a leaf out of Merry's book and merely take a step back and make a small, prioritized list.
Yes. That sounds like a winner.
I suppose.
I'm falling behind at work. There just seems to be so much to do. I complete one task, and a million others fall on top of me like an avalanche.
My manager criticized me today. What hurts more than the criticism itself is the fact that I fear it was rightly placed. I live in the almost constant paranoia that they'll turn to me one day and say, "Kathryn, you're just not doing the kind of job we hoped you would. Goodbye."
A thought just struck me though, and it has heartened me a little:
I've been filling this particular position for about half of a school year. It was my job to pick up the pieces that two different predecessors left behind. Yes, I've let a few things slip through my fingers, but I've also created strong bonds with teachers in many school districts and fulfilled their needs admirably. My superiors see my mistakes because they aren't with me when I call on schools to see my triumphs. Per'aps I should compile a lizt of strengths I feel I have honed so that I am prepared should a meeting to criticize ever takes place.
I don't talk about my fears often. I feel them, and keenly - but because I don't voice them, they simply fuel the fire of my general anxiety levels.
I feel a lot of pressure to perform. I'll be supporting Merry whilst she goes to school (starting Spring semester). We're moving to a slightly bigger, slightly more expensive apartment in a different city. We're strapped for money as it is. Frankly, I sometimes wonder how we're going to get by. If I lose this job, or simply get demoted, I fear there's no way we'll be able to support the lifestyle we're used to.
Maybe I should take a leaf out of Merry's book and merely take a step back and make a small, prioritized list.
Yes. That sounds like a winner.
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