Monday, December 18, 2006

the best laid plans of mice and women

As this year draws to a close, my mind has turned once again to SCHOOL. I've begun musing about what made my past (three) attempts unsuccessful:

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attempt no. 1:
I enrolled in college right after high school. My first two semesters were wildly successful (with invitations arriving in the mail for the honors college). Foolishly I decided to take on (nearly) full-time work, waitressing at the Olive Garden, so that I could move into an apartment with my dorm room-mate. I could not forsee the mental breakdown I'd experience in the summer of '05, which caused full-time acadamia to be too much to juggle, much less school and work. After two semesters of being enrolled only half-time, I withdrew entirely, moved back in with my parents, and continued working.

attempt numero 2:
After growing to detest waitressing, I looked for employment elsewhere, eventually settling on Starbucks as a new home. After one month I decided I'd like to take a summer semester night course in Computer Science (to sharpen my slight MS Office literacy into mad skillz - so that I'd feel confident looking for work as a receptionist). Within days, a receptionist position (my current job) fell into my lap, and I took it without hesitation. The problem? I was enrolled in school in my hometown and working in Dallas. By the time I fought through traffic (from Dallas to Plano), my evening class was already halfway finished. I dropped out once again.

If at first you don't succeed... #3:
After working at my current job for about two months, I decided I wanted to give this school thing the old College-Try ... again. I've always been interested in Psychology, so I enrolled in a night class at a community college located very near to my workplace. The idea was that I'd leave work, study for a while on-campus, go to class and head home. Unfortunately, my funkeh brain chemistry requires a medication that makes me drowsy in the mornings - after taking it the night before. To counteract this, I've taken to falling asleep around 9 PM so that my 6 AM wakeup isn't too harsh. My class ended at 8:45, and was 20 minutes away from home (assuming there's no traffic), which means that I still had to prepare for bed (and for the next day) after getting home from school.

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I burned out rather quickly. It was simply too much to handle, on top of a new, more professional job.

BUT

I've talked to my doctor, and we've changed my medication to one that doesn't make me sleepy in the mornings. That change took place several weeks ago, and I feel a serious difference in my energy levels throughout the day. That, coupled with the idea that I could take a class earlier in the evening than 7:00 has heartened me greatly, and rather enouraged my self-confidence. I could do this. I could complete a single class for the duration of one semester.

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So, which class to take?

Well, my current obsession is writing, and I know I could stand some improvement ... so why not take Creative Writing? It'd be a smaller, closer-knit class (I'd imagine anyway, it being a sophomore-level class, and being rather less "academic" than, say, intro to Psychology), so I'd be able to interact more with my peers, rather than fading into the background (somewhat of a deterrant when I start questioning, "Should I attend class tonight? I'm really tired...").

Also, when I was in High School and enrolled in AP (or College-level) English, i thrived in the classroom setting, and excelled in the class, managing to acheive the highest score possible on the AP Exam at the end of the year.

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After much thought, however, I have decided that college is not in my immediate future after all. This decision is a great sacrifice to me - although I do love my job, I do not find it to be intellectually stimulating. All I do all day is answer the phone and blog or read occasionally. How I would love to be re-enrolled in school, especially after I've pinpointed my pitfalls in the past, and speculated on how best to avoid them in future!

My reasoning for not going back goes thusly:

Part of the "perks" of living at home is that I pay no rent ... but pay a rather large monthly sum towards the also large loan I owe to my father. In spring 2005, he payed for a new-ish vehicle with the expectation that I pay it off within two years. However, any time I make a sizeable dent in the lump sum, it seems some emergency comes up and I have no choice but to borrow another large amount. (Rediculously expensive dental surgery, anyone? How about a little car accident requiring out-of-pocket repairs to my own vehicle?)

My medium-term goals (being neither short-term, nor long) include feeling successful at my current job and moving the hell out of my parents' house living on my own again. To this end I have devised a Plan - if I work overtime every day, I can make enough money to increase my monthly loan payment such that I will have the loan paid off in merely four months, as opposed to the original sentance of 6 months.

If my loan is paid off faster, then I can continue to live at home (with the goal move-out day being around Christmas, but more realistically in the Spring of '08) and use funds that had previously been used to pay off the loan as savings. If I continue keeping my needs small and also continue working overtime, I can amass quite a lump sum.

That is my goal. Yes, I'm dying to go back to school, but I can harness that and use it as a drive to educate myself on my own time (thus avoiding becoming despondant about not being in school and piquing my intellectual apetite until I do re-enroll). My long-term plan is that I have enough money saved that A) either I can do some world travel or B) I can re-enroll in school full time and be able to afford to live in an (albeit small) apartment and only have to work part-time, someplace like Starbucks.

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