getting to know you, getting to know all about you....

My self-confidence has been returning growing. I don't think I ever really had any to begin with. Two years ago, I was one of the shiniest, most up-and-coming musicians in my university, and I had an inferiority complex so accute it was literally painful. Before that, in High School, I estranged myself from everyone I knew, afraid that they merely tolerated my presence (and in retrospect, there were many who more than just tolerated me).

Anyway.

For the first time, I actually think I'm a rather cool cat, a keen jellybean, a ... ok, ok. I have no delusions of grandeur; I know I'm not everyone's cuppa tea. I'm prone to quiet spells. I'm sometimes inarticulate (which is odd, because I'm by no means dim). When I do articulate, my wit is wry, my mind is quick to make double-entendres, and I tend to be blunt. Very, very blunt.

But I'm (pretty much) ok with all of that. Finally.

It just saddens me (more than a little) that not many people know this about me. Or even just know me, period. I have effectively distanced myself from all the peers I was near in both High School and College, and now I'm left with three friends who live 45 miles away, 55 miles away, and 200 miles away.

Don't get me wrong. I love them and value what they contribute to my life. But it gets very lonely in the evenings, or on the weekends, when I want to just see someone.

I'm trying to be talkative in the locker room at the Yoga studio, and I've also created a few dating website profiles, but so far there's been a great dearth of fresh meat new best friend material in my life.

Anyway, I'm not complaining (too much). I (thankfully) enjoy my own company, and that of my family. I keep myself occupied with knitting, sewing, reading, cleaning... all the usual fillers.

I just crave more, by times.