meine kitty

Dimitri made a friend last night.

For those of you who don't follow Texas' weather religiously, yesterday was 80 degrees (F). Today it's 30 degrees. So I have been resigning myself to the fact that creepy crawlies would begin taking up residence in our home.

Anyway. Dimitri was in my closet for about an hour, fascinated with something or another. I didn't notice his absence for a while, but started to get concerned when he came out of the closet (literally, not ... y'know) and was still very captivated with something. Anyone who owns a cat knows that their attention span is generally very ... small, and so any span of quiet, unless it is spent sleeping, is cause for inspection of the situation. (not unlike with small children)

I turned on the light (for I had been quite comfy in my warm bed). There, in the middle of my room was my cat, having a stare-down with a cockroach. Neither of them was moving.

Dimitri looked at me. I looked him directly in the eye and asked, "Is it alive?" and then pointedly looked at the 'roach, then back at my cat. He looked at the bug, then looked at me. I asked again, "Is it alive?" and looked at the roach and then my cat.

He took the que, and poked the cockroach with his paw, and the offending vermin began to run around in small circles (which I took to mean that Dimitri had been "playing" with him for some time, and he, the cockroach, was injured).

I took the situation in hand, or rather shoe, and SMUSHED the bug. Very thouroughly.

{ }
And this morning, as it was quite chilly out, I grabbed my coat which had been hanging unused from the corner of my bedpost for about a month (which means the coat was touching the ground that entire time).

As I put it on, I heard the *plink* of something dropping from the coat to the floor. I looked down and saw a cockroach nursing a head injury.



I opted not to wear a coat today.



*shudder*

getting to know you, getting to know all about you....

My self-confidence has been returning growing. I don't think I ever really had any to begin with. Two years ago, I was one of the shiniest, most up-and-coming musicians in my university, and I had an inferiority complex so accute it was literally painful. Before that, in High School, I estranged myself from everyone I knew, afraid that they merely tolerated my presence (and in retrospect, there were many who more than just tolerated me).

Anyway.

For the first time, I actually think I'm a rather cool cat, a keen jellybean, a ... ok, ok. I have no delusions of grandeur; I know I'm not everyone's cuppa tea. I'm prone to quiet spells. I'm sometimes inarticulate (which is odd, because I'm by no means dim). When I do articulate, my wit is wry, my mind is quick to make double-entendres, and I tend to be blunt. Very, very blunt.

But I'm (pretty much) ok with all of that. Finally.

It just saddens me (more than a little) that not many people know this about me. Or even just know me, period. I have effectively distanced myself from all the peers I was near in both High School and College, and now I'm left with three friends who live 45 miles away, 55 miles away, and 200 miles away.

Don't get me wrong. I love them and value what they contribute to my life. But it gets very lonely in the evenings, or on the weekends, when I want to just see someone.

I'm trying to be talkative in the locker room at the Yoga studio, and I've also created a few dating website profiles, but so far there's been a great dearth of fresh meat new best friend material in my life.

Anyway, I'm not complaining (too much). I (thankfully) enjoy my own company, and that of my family. I keep myself occupied with knitting, sewing, reading, cleaning... all the usual fillers.

I just crave more, by times.

shout out

I have joined a yoga studio, and attend it 3 - 4 times a week.


I feel the need to thank girl-who-wears-no-bra-and-whose-shirt-becomes-see-through-when-sweaty.


She makes it all worthwhile. Or worthwhiler.

Avast!

My dreams, which have so long been only that, are finally taking shape.

7 months.

In seven months, I'll have my car paid off and my student loans will be a thing of the past. If I can bring myself to live at home for a little longer after that, I can amass quite a nest egg.

Allow me to tell you a bit about myself. I'll be 22 in a little over a month, and I'm living at home. Yes, with my parents. And my 16 yr old brother. I dropped out of full-time acadamia last November to better get my feet under me. Long story. I moved back in with my folks at that time, amidst much pressure to re-enroll in school and to come back to the Mormon church. Despite all that, I knew moving in was the best thing for me to do at the time. There was no rent to pay, and I could keep to myself (mainly because I made my needs known, and pretty much told them to leave me alone if I needed to be left alone), and I'd be surrounded by loved ones, even if things were tense.

I believe I've been a catalyst for change (and growth) in my family. Over the past two years they've come to accept me for who I am, which went against everything they felt drawn to believe- I'm a sometimes rebellious, non-conformist, hippy/lesbian, and they had a hard time swallowing that. I wasn't in-your-face about any of the changes... that's why it took two years. As I slowly awakened to who I am (which is a process that's still going on), I slowly asked for the acceptance and love I had felt when I lived up to their every expectation of Mormon adolescent bliss.

When I was living on my own, I was waitressing at the Olive Garden. I transferred locations when I moved back in with the 'rents. I hated it. Waitressing is a hard profession, and often thankless. So I took a job at Starbucks. It paid less and had even more demanding hours (entering the store and setting up at 4:30 AM), but it was a blast. I was smiling again, and that was something I had almost forgotten how to do. Shortly after that, a receptionist position literally fell in my lap, and that's where I find myself today, six months later. It's demanding in it's own way, but it's rewarding in ways I've never experienced. And the pay is better. :D

So, my dreams.

I have every intention of going back to school full time. I may even go back to being a music performance major, like I was before dropping out (I'm a classically-trained Violist, and I haven't so much as touched my instrument since last November; a sabbatical of sorts). But not yet. There's so much life to live, so many places to explore, and I want to do it while I'm still young.

I've always wanted to travel the world, but never really thought it was feasible. After literally years of depression, I've started to dream again, and what I'm trying to say is that they all seem possible for the first time! After paying off bills, I'll be free to save my hard-earned money. With said savings, I can take extended vacations from work, or quit entirely and explore the ruins in Rome, or connect with the energies of Stonehenge, or live in England for a year.

And then there's Antarctica, a passion of mine since I first read a blog about life in a camp there 6 months ago. There are camps down there that need staff to keep them running. There are janitorial positions, food prep jobs, and even fuel-delivery. Menial labor, yes, but what an adventure that would be! I would love to sit my (as yet unborn) children and granchildren around me and tell tales of my adventures working in a science camp in the southernmost part of the world. Who else can claim that?

Though all of these things are still just out of reach of my fingertips, they're there. I can see them.

I'm experiencing a love of life and hope for the future that has long been absent, and I thank the Powers That Be for that.


[/long-winded post]

how do you see the Divine?

I found this description of the Great Goddess while worming my way through pagan blogs, and it sends goosebumps through my body every time I read it. When I read it, I see her, just as plainly as if she were sitting in the lobby I'm the receptionist for.

I see a big woman, with strength of arm and leg, large breasts, a mass of riotous long, curly hair that has all colors in it, and has a life of its own, skin the color of burnished copper, a big smile, and twinkling eyes that are very deep green. She wears a flowing garment made of spidersilk, that shifts in color with the seasons. Her smile lights up the world. Plants grow where She walks. Birds attend Her. Stars sing of Her. She cradles me in her arms--and with her cloak of starlit skies, She will carry me safely at my death.

by Quotefiend on .:Street Prophets{dot}com:.

sgt. pepper's lonely hearts club band

My best (female) friend is talking to someone. A girl that she met on match{dot}com. They're getting along famously, and I'm really happy for her. She deserves to get together with someone. To really click, have some fun in the bedroom with, to come home to someone other than her cat, or call in the middle of the night just because.

But I'm also jealous. Because I deserve that too.

Don't I?

virtual memory

My computer has been whining at me for about a month now, and I haven't been listening. It told me a few times that it (desperately) needed to increase the size of it's virtual memory, and if I would be so kind, please click "OK". I didn't, though; mostly because I didn't understand what it was asking.

So I did a little research. For those of you who don't know, be enlightened:

A computer has a little pocket of memory space set aside (every time you turn it on) that the programmes that you use delve into. Did you just open an Internet Browser? That just took a little memory out of the pocket. Is Microsoft Word open? That too takes a little memory.

I called my ex-boy toy, Doug, to have him walk me through manually increasing the virtual memory. He asked what the symptoms were.

"Well, it's to the point where nothing will open, besides my internet browser. No music, nothing."

How did it get that way?

"Well, I'd open Photoshop (a HUGE programme), have my music running, plug my PalmPilot in to my computer, and have about five internet browsers open ..."

Yeah, Kathryn, that'd do it ...

{ }
So we increased it ... by about 200 times. Instead of having an itty bitty pocket of memory, it is now lardantuan, to better fit my needs.

Yay.

this is the story of a girl

... who cried a river and drowned the whole world ...

I'm going to a Habitat for Humanity dinner party on Friday. My dad is a manager there, and he gets discounted tickets for himself and a guest. I think this is my third time going. I get to buy a new outfit, which I am tres excited about. It's always a splendorous affair- set in a Dallas mansion, everyone dressed to kill, mingling and talking with old (or new!) friends... I'm really looking forward to it.

Especially because there's this woman that (should) be there ...

testies II

test test test test

testies I

test test test