Gooooooal!!

I'm sitting here on our awesomely fluffy couch with Merry, my beloved wife, sitting to my right. Our kitten, Luna Twinkletoes, is sandwiched between us. I live for these moments, the ones in which life and all its troubles seem to melt away in the simple pleasure of companionable silences.

I'm slowly sweeping out the cobwebs from This Old Blog (sounds like a TV show PBS would broadcast), and as I do, I can't help but compare myself, my current self, to the self of years long past. I'm coming out of a period of semi-stagnation, a time of little self-exploration, an embarrassingly long stretch of just "getting by". The new year has brought new hope, and the goal of vegetarianism seems to be settling in, taking root, and sustaining me right now. It represents something more to me than just changing what I eat. It represents my commitment to take care of and nourish the self. This is the first time in many years that I've wanted to take care of my self. She deserves it. When I let my guard down, I get glimpses of a well rounded, self-assured, interesting young woman. I feel I'm already headed down the path to release her from the layers of personal baggage that I've been clinging to for years now.

For the first time in months, maybe even a year, I'm allowing myself to hope. For the first time in my life, I can say that these dreams I have are attainable.

My darling wife will be going to school in the fall, studying to become an RN. When she finishes in a few years' time, it will be my turn to go back to school. Believe it or not, I won't be studying music again. I know! Crazy, innit? All these years, I've been hemming and hawing over my music, asking myself things like, "Will I ever feel that spark again?", "Why don't I feel the drive to practice anymore?", "What will everyone think if I don't go back to music??" My viola had become a source of guilt and depression - something that it should never have come to. I have been naturally moving away from it for years now, and you know what?


That's ok.

I've given hours upon hours of thought, meditation, and prayer to the question, "If not music, then what??" And I finally have an answer.

My sister invited me to attend the midwife-assisted birth of one of her sons about 9 years ago. I was moved to tears by the beauty of a life, my little nephew, coming into the world. The raw energy of that natural birth was palpable, and touched me in profound ways.

For the first time, I have now given credence to something that has niggled at the back of my mind since that very day. I want to become a midwife. I want to help women empower themselves through natural birth. I want to provide holistic heath care and sound nutritional advice to women throughout their pregnancies, and beyond. And I want to become a certified Yoga instructor, with a focus on yoga during pregnancy.

I've done extensive research. It'll require that I get my RN and then land a job in Labor/Delivery at a hospital. Once I've worked there for a year, I'll finally be eligible to enter the Certified Nurse-Midwifery program at Parkland Medical Center in Dallas. Because it is an extremely competitive school, anything I can do to set myself apart from the masses will only serve me well. I think that with the Yoga training I was already wanting to do, I'll be golden.

I think I've finally developed the patience that it takes to make dreams like these come to fruition. I have the support of a loving wife, and the drive to make it a reality.

This is the stuff dreams are made of.