self image

You know, my self image has improved so much since I was 120 lbs. I hated myself then. The only times I felt beautiful, and only begrudgingly, was when someone I trusted told me I looked good that day. Looking back, I had it all (or so it seemed)- I was thin, had a pretty face, good hair, funky clothes, friends, was doing well in school... yet I hated myself. There was a month or two where I'd only eat once per day. Talk about unhealthy body image.

For a long time after I gained all that weight, I felt ugly and fat. But then I started looking in the mirror, seeing my beautiful, full breasts (Triple D! score!), the curves of my hips, my still-pretty face... so I started loving myself. You know, two people have broken up with me, citing my size as being an issue, but you know what? Who cares? Screw them, because they're missing out on my soft body and my amazing personality.

Since starting Yoga classes in November 2006, I've been eating healtier (and in smaller quantity), so I've been slowly (and healthily!) losing weight. I am roughly 15 lbs away from my goal weight.

So as I'm slowly changing, losing a little weight each week and month, I'm seeing my still-beautiful body change into something that's healthier, and I'm so proud of myself for actually caring enough to be making this attempt. Frankly, I'm amazed at the process - my breasts are shrinking but holding their shape, my pants are fitting looser, my face and neck look trimmer (and more sophisticated IMHO)... but I always keep in mind those months when I'd only eat once a day, and remind myself that I don't want to go down that path again, no matter how many boys can't handle my curves, or my size, because I'm going to choose my own goal weight and stick to it; I'm going to be happy with my body and my goals and my health.

Look in the mirror today. Look in it every day, until you can start looking at yourself with the kindness you deserve. Because you're beautiful the way you are.